


History Has A Way Of Repeating Itself

by pristinely



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, idk - Freeform, sad baby au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:26:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pristinely/pseuds/pristinely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian is having doubts about fatherhood and deals with it in an idiotic way, by abandoning those he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	History Has A Way Of Repeating Itself

Being a Jones came at a price, a price he never wanted her to pay. Leaving was a sure fire way for her to not get sucked into the cycle, taking her mother’s name, being raised a princess. Being raised by the desert not by the sea-for the sea had a tendency to drown those close to Killian-he wanted her as far away from it as possible. Without him his little Briar Rose would bloom, but with him she’d just wilt away in a glass container; never being touched by anyone. He’d suffocate her just trying to keep her safe, lock her away till she resented him. It happened to everyone he loved, he held on too tightly and they were taken, or they resented him and left. Aurora was the exception, but Killian knew he was her second choice. Her heart belonged to another and always would, how was he suppose to live up to a prince. When she first got pregnant he heard her crying in her room at night, he thought about leaving then too. It would be easier leaving a child he’d never met. But he stayed because he once swore to himself he’d never be his father; he swore it to Liam. Oh, Liam. How he wished he was here to give brotherly advice, tell him what to do. Staying would be selfish it would just put her in harms way, he was not meant to be a father, if baelfire taught him anything it was that. She’d grow up to hate him to. Best for both of them if he was never part of the picture.

He looked down at the beautiful baby girl, his beautiful baby girl. She could fit into one of his hands. She was so tiny, with his bright blue eyes and her mother’s brown locks. Her eyes stared up at him like he was the greatest man in the whole world. But he wasn’t. He knew he wasn’t, with the thoughts he was having, he was the worst of the worst. She’d be better off without you, they’d both be better off without you. If you left tonight she wouldn’t even remember your face, you’d be a distant memory. She’d be let down, but we both know the reality of you will be much more of a disappointment, than any imaginary version she could conjure up. He picked her up with his good hand, careful not to touch her with his hook, his hook had caused so much pain he never wanted it touch his precious girl (but the man attached to the hook had done much worse, so rightly he shouldn’t be touching her either). He thought about the first time she’d ask about his hand what happened to your hand papa. He feared the day she thought him less of a man, the day she saw him as a coward. He didn’t want to burden her with his sins; with his past, he didn’t want her to see him as the man he was before Aurora.

He walked her over to the window, the moon reflecting off the water, humming a song his mother use to sing him when he was a child. He couldn’t remember the lyrics, but sometimes he’d hear the tune in the wind and hum along. Aurora sung to the child she was much better then him, he teased her saying if she sung any higher she’d break the glass, that earned him a light slap to the chest. He looked up at the stars, saying a silent prayer to them look after her for me, watch over her mama.

“Look at you my little sleeping beauty, you are going to grow up more beautiful than your mother, and much braver than I” He pointed up to the stars with his hook, “And if you ever want to find me just look up to the stars, because I’ll always be watching”. He kissed her forehead and walked her back over to the crib. Goodbye my sweet Briar Rose, he didn’t dare say the words out loud. Wrapping the blanket around her, he looked at her sleeping face for the last time. Walking back to his room to pick up the bag he’d pack over the course of the week, he knocked his knee against the bedpost.

“Shit!”

Aurora stirred, “Killian?, is Briar okay? Does she need-”

“She’s fine love, nothing to worry ‘bout, go back to sleep” He stroked her hair kissing her one final time, pausing at the door for one last look; she really was a beauty while sleeping. It’s for the best he wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come out. Heaving the duffle bag over his shoulder he made his way to the door, making sure to close it softly.

He didn’t know where he was going to the tavern probably, then he’d work out his next move from there. The air was cold, it nipped at his nose as he walked the empty streets. He thought back to his own father and the day he left, this was nothing like that. Killian stood by that, he stood by the fact what he was doing was honorable. Honorable my ass. A voice said. It is, he replied. I will only bring her pain, she’ll be well cared for, better off without me.

Just like you were better off without your father? or Bae was better off without me, the voice said, a voice he recognized.Killian stopped in his tracks, his head whipping around. “No it’s can’t be”

He looked around in the darkness, but no one was there.

“Milah?” He whispered into the night, afraid there might be a reply. He thought his mind was playing tricks on him, no it must be, she was long gone.

He didn’t hear the voice again so he kept walking, a chill working it’s way up his spine. He couldn’t shake the feeling he wasn’t alone.

“It’s selfish and you know it” This time the voice wasn’t in his head, it was echoing in the night, the wind hitting him like a scorch to the face. Killian turned around to meet the eyes of a beautiful woman, just as he remembered her. Brunette hair, flowing down past her shoulders, her hands on her hips. She was wearing the exact same outfit she wore the day she died, that made Killian’s heart ache a little.

“Milah” It was barely audible above the wind.

“You’re just going to leave them ‘cause you’re what? scared?” She pointed a finger at him.

“No, it’s just, no, they’re better off, Milah, I’m not the man you once knew I’m-” He was flustered, waving his arms about.

“Damn right you’re not, because the man I knew would never walk away, because he was scared”

Killian stared at her for a long time his eyes brimming with tears, fell to his knees, falling forward. Milah cradled his head against her stomach, her hands rubbing against his temples.

Killian’s voice broke “Milah, I can’t, I’m not father material, I screwed up with bae, I’m gonna screw up with her” Milah ran her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down.

“Everything I touch, it dies or gets hurt I-”

She cuts him off “Aurora didn’t. You found each other and you’ve both been through so much, yet she’s still here, so why are you walking out, and don’t bullshit me with this ‘it’s better for both of them’ because I know you better than that” Milah tilted his head, getting down on her knees “Where’s the Killian who wanted to conquer the world, where is the Killian I knew?”

Killian gave a low chuckle, “That Killian lost you”

She kissed his lips softly, oh how he missed that, her touch, her warmth. Killian sighed against her.

“Sweetie, you never lost me. I’ve always been here watching over you, but this, this version of you, this is not the man I feel in love with. This is the man who’s living in the past, living in the shadow of a man who was stupid enough to walk out on his sons. You are not your father Killian, I know that, you know that and Aurora knows that” She smiles at him, her hands caressing his cheeks, “And the way you guarantee you never become your father, is by not being a coward and abandoning them in the middle of the night, it’s doing what he never could, it’s staying and fighting”

“Killian?” Aurora was wrapped up in a blanket, walking outside barefoot. She had woken up alone in bed, thinking the baby needed food, she went to her nursery, but Killian wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere in the house. Worried she grabbed a torch and went outside looking for him.

“Killian, are you out here?” The darkness gave no reply, she walked around the corner of their place, that’s where she saw him.

“Killian!” She yelled, running towards him. Her knees hit the ground in front of him with a thud, they’d surely bruise in the morning.

Killian was crouched on the asphalt, his hands spread out in front of him, fingers scraping at the ground. Aurora lifted her hands cautiously to his face, lifting it up. His eyes were bloodshot, he was a mess.

“Killian” She whispered, “Are you are hurt? What happened? Why are you out here?”

Killian made no sound.

Aurora’s voice filled with panic “Please come back to the house, Killian, please” She tried tugging on his collar, no luck.

“I’m sorry” He whispered “I’m so sorry, Rora, please, I, she’s right, I’m, gods, I’m so sorry” Killian fell back on his knees face looking towards the skies, his voice was scratchy and rough.

“Who was right, what are talking about?, Killian, please you’re scaring me” He made no reply, his eyes still fixed on the stars.

“Killian, I have, we have to get back to Briar, please come on” Aurora got up, she hesitated unsure what to do, she couldn’t leave the child alone, but she couldn’t just leave Killian in the street.

“Go” He said, Aurora still hesitated. But left him there, she’d come back when she’d checked on the baby.

Killian slowly raised himself to his feet, he felt drained, empty. Like he’d lost Milah all over again, he felt guilty for how much he longed for her touch again. Her lips on his, her hands in his hair. Killian Adrian Jones, are you really about to have a sex fantasy in the street. His face lit up with the biggest smile, a genuine laugh came out. He’d hadn’t felt one of those in a long time. He felt a warmth behind him, closing his eyes to savour it, savour her. Go, let go Killian, don’t let the past drown you. Cold air flooded around Killian, he wished he could grab her and hold her against him, but she was right. Aurora was here and she was his, and he wasn’t gonna let the past or anything else take her away from him.


End file.
